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Chapters 63 & 64

Chapter 63: All in the Family

Nikolas walks around the spacious nursery cradling his daughter in his arms. "Well, Little Anastacia. What do you think? You've met most of the family, with the exception of your Grandfather..."

Anastacia yawns and flails an arm while Nikolas continues. "Am I boring you? No? Grandfather will adore you, and if how he treats my sister is any indication, he will spoil you rotten." Anastacia studies him seriously, almost a questioning look on her face. "When will you get to meet your Grandfather? Soon, I hope. Though with his unpredictable behavior lately, who is to say when?"

Nikolas walks over to the window and props Anastacia up on his chest so she can see out the window. "Pretty, isn't it?" Nikolas comments before continuing on about Stefan. "I'm worried about your Grandfather, Anastacia. Ever since Richard disappeared, it's like the Uncle I know has disappeared too. He's been walking around like a robot. Going through the motions. At first I understood." He kisses the top of his daughter's head. "I think I'd go insane if I lost you. I don't even want to imagine it," Nikolas admits. "But instead of Uncle improving over time like Mother, it seems the more time passes the worse he is. It just doesn't make sense, Anastacia."

Nikolas brushes his cheek against his daughter's downy soft head. Somehow being alone with his daughter gave him the opportunity to think aloud. "My heart almost stopped when I found him outside the hospital nursery looking at the newborns, but I really panicked when I saw him standing at the cliff. I don't know what I'd do if I lost him, Anastacia. He's always been there for me. The one person I could count on. At the time, he brushed me off my concern, but I can't help but worry about him. And now he's made this mysterious trip right when you were born. And he's being very evasive about it.... I just don't know what to think anymore."

"Why don't you ask him?" Stefan asks quietly, coming up from behind.

Nikolas cradles Anastacia in his arms and turns around to greet Stefan. "You're back fast."

Stefan comes up to father and child and cups the back of Nikolas' head affectionately while gazing down at Anastacia adoringly. "I was strongly motivated. I was anxious to see my Granddaughter." He leans over and lightly kisses her forehead. "She's stunning, Nikolas. Truly a remarkable beauty."

"If you were truly anxious to see her, you wouldn't have left right when she was born," Nikolas rebukes.

Stefan squeezes Nikolas' shoulder meaningfully but does not break eye contact with Anastacia. "Let's not quarrel now, in front of your precious daughter. Allow me to savor her for a few minutes first."

"Would you like to hold her?" Nikolas offers.

"I would, very much." Nikolas gently transfers Anastacia from his arms to Stefan's, being careful to support her head during the transition. Stefan manages to tear his eyes away from Anastacia long enough to gaze up at Nikolas. His face is full of emotion, joy and pain, hope and despair mixed. "I have no words to express how wondrous she is, Nikolas."

"You were the first person I wanted to see after meeting Anastacia the first time," Nikolas admits, looking away from Stefan to hide his hurt. "My heart was bursting, and I knew you'd understand how I felt..." He shakes his head miserably. "I realize now that wanting to you to be there was selfish. I didn't take into account how difficult this must be for you. How much pain you're in."

Hearing Nikolas' admission, Stefan finds himself losing the battle with his emotions. "No, it was I who was selfish to leave when I did. I should have been here for you, to share your joy at being a father. It was the joy I felt when I held you after you were born. And I had no one to share that joy with, except a few stolen moments with your mother."

Nikolas reaches out furtively to Stefan. "Did you? Were you there when I was born? I've always wondered."

"Yes. While I was on the sidelines, I was able to hold you within a few hours of your birth. The experience was indescribable," Stefan confirms. "And now I feel the same joy with Anastacia. Please forgive me for not being here, Nikolas. Had I realized you needed me, I would have postponed my trip. I thought you would be so busy with Anastacia and Gina I would not be missed."

Stefan turns his attention again to Anastacia, taking note of all her perfections, her clear blue eyes, her little scrunched nose, her wrinkled fingers and toes which he counts. "Would you mind if I spent a few minutes alone with her? I will bring her to you and Gina when I am done."

"Sure," Nikolas agrees. "We need to have a serious talk soon, when you are up for it. Maybe in the next few days?"

"How about an early ride around the Island tomorrow morning," Stefan suggests. "I have missed our rides since you have been married. Provided Gina and Anastacia don't require your attention."

"No, the timing should be perfect." Nikolas kisses Anastacia on the forehead. "See you very soon, Princess."

Once alone, Stefan finds the rocker near one of the windows and sits on it. He rocks her soothingly. "You are a bit smaller than Richard was when he was born, Anastacia," Stefan remarks. "How do I know that when it was so long ago, you ask? Because I memorized everything about those precious hours with my son. From the exact color of his hair and eyes, to his newborn scent, to how he felt in my arms." A wave of pain hits Stefan and he stops rocking and closes his eyes for a minute. Anastacia wriggles in his arms, forcing him to look at her again. "Hardly two days old, and already you are asserting yourself." Stefan starts rocking her again, enjoying the silence of the moment with his grandchild. "I didn't realize until I held you that I never expected to hold an infant again. Interesting how one's mind plays tricks."

Anastacia grunts and closes her eyes, revealing the most beautiful dark eyelashes that Stefan has ever seen. "You are magnificent," He whispers, his heart breaking. "You have already wriggled your way in my heart. How am I supposed to do this? In Greece it was all so clear, so simple..."

"What was so simple?" Laura asks from the doorway, startling Stefan.

Stefan looks over at Laura, giving her a tired smile. "Hello. I gather the news of my arrival has begun to spread. Forgive me for not coming to see you directly. I was anxious to see Anastacia."

"I'm not upset, Stefan." Laura comes up behind the rocker and puts a gentle hand on his shoulder. "She's beautiful, isn't she? She looks a lot like Lulu did when she was born."

"I can't help but love her," Stefan answers hoarsely. "I didn't expect to this quickly. Not after Richard."

Laura lays her head on his. "I know, I felt the same way when I first saw her. You're not being disloyal to Richard by loving her. You know that, don't you?" Laura feels Stefan nod. "So what did you mean when you said things were so simple in Greece? Does this mean you visited your mother?"

Stefan sighs. "I am too exhausted for this conversation, Laura. Quite honestly I haven't slept more than a hour at a time since I left on my trip."

Laura lifts her head and starts to stroke his hair. "Oh that's not good, Stefan, you drive yourself too hard. You were hardly sleeping before you left!"

Stefan looks down at Anastacia. "I think your grandmother is scolding me. What do you think?"

Laura softens her tone. "Promise me you will take a nap after your visit with Anastacia. Please?"

Stefan reaches his hand up and strokes her cheek lovingly. "I am giving you a solemn vow, so long as you explain my delay to LesleyLu."

"It won't be easy, but I'll make her understand." Laura takes Anastacia from Stefan as he rises. "You look half dead. I'll take Staci back to Gina and Nikolas while you get some sleep."

Touched by his wife's concern, Stefan lowers his head to plant a lingering kiss on her lips. "I missed you, Laura. More than you know."

"Don't let her take me," Lulu sobs hysterically as she hangs onto Stefan for dear life. "Don't let her take me!"

Stefan struggles valiantly to hold on tight to Lulu but his strength is no match for Helena's goons. "Mother, No! I will do whatever you want, but release her!"

"I'm afraid not," Helena answers with feigned regret as her guards carry the screaming child away from him. "I gave you a chance to do what was necessary to protect her. I warned you what would happen. But did you listen? No. Now you must pay the price for your disobedience."

Stefan attacks the guards to get Lulu freed, but one vicious kick in the gut has him on his knees. "Mother, please," Stefan gasps between the shooting pains in his side. "Don't do this. This is low, even for you. She's an innocent child, she has no part in this feud."

The door to the room opens and Melanie walks in with a beatific smile on her face. She takes Lulu into her arms and strokes her shiny brown hair. "Oh, Sister Dear! She's perfect! It is so sweet of you to think of me. Don't you worry Stefan. Lulu and I will have great fun together, just like Richard and I did until his unfortunate accident."

"No! LesleyLu!" Stefan tries to rise one more time, but a guard kicks him down again. "Let her go, Mother!"

A sobbing Lulu reaches out to Stefan as she's carried out of the room. "Stefan, Stefan! Don't let them take me! Don't let them take me!"

With Lulu's screams still ringing in his ears Stefan jolts awake, covered with perspiration and his body pumping adrenalin. Breathing slowly and deeply, he struggles to slow his racing heart and erase the image of a terrified Lulu being dragged from the room. Stefan rises from the bed to dress, knowing from painful experience that sleep won't come again for hours.

"Stefan!" Lulu takes a running leap into Stefan's outstretched arms, knocking him back a step as he absorbs the force of it. She buries her head in his chest. "You're back! Did you miss me?"

"Yes, Angel, I am back." His nightmare still fresh in his mind, Stefan holds her closer than usual, to reassure himself that she is real, and most of all, safe. "And I missed you terribly. I hope meeting Gina's baby kept you busy?"

"Gina's baby is sooo cute!" Lulu chatters as Stefan carries her to the family room couch to sit down. "Staci sure sleeps and cries a lot though. Gina let me hold Staci for a few minutes today. And I even got to help change her diapers. Some of them were yucky." Lulu wrinkles her nose.

Stifling a chuckle, Stefan kisses her head lightly while stroking her hair. "It was nice of you to help Gina. I'm sure she appreciated it. Were you good for your mother while I was out of town?"

Lulu nods while wriggling off his lap to pick out the current book they are reading together. "Yep, Mama and I spent a lot of time with Staci, Nikolas and Gina. It was hard being quiet though. They said I had to or I'd wake the baby."

"I'm afraid that's true, Angel. Infants need a lot of sleep." Once Lulu is settled in his lap again, he opens her chosen book. "Where did we leave off? Do you remember?"

"Oh yes!" Lulu bounces in his lap. "Charlotte made her babies and Wilbur just won the prize at the fair! I love that part the best. Can we read it again?"

Stefan smiles indulgently. "I think it can be arranged. Shall we read until we are finished with the book?"

"Can we really?! " Lulu bounces again, then settles down with rapt attention as Stefan begins to read.

"Chapter 19, The Egg Sac," Stefan begins."Next morning when the first light came into the sky and the sparrows stirred in the trees, when the cows rattled their chains and the rooster crowed and the early automobiles went whispering along the road, Wilbur woke and looked for Charlotte..."**

**Charlotte's Web by EB White.

Alexis lets out a low whistle as she reads the documents Stefan just gave her. "You've got everything in order, Stefan. Every last detail is tied up neat. I'm impressed. I could have done this for you, you know."

"Of course you could have, but you have been busy with other more important matters." Stefan drums his knuckles against the wood desk. "I trust you will carry out my wishes if it ever becomes necessary?"

A small knot forms in Alexis' stomach at his implication. "Yes, you can count on me as always, Stefan. All this talk of wills and funeral arrangements is depressing. How was your first visit with Staci?"

Stefan scowls. "Anastacia is not even a week old and we are using nicknames? I expect it from Laura and LesleyLu, but et tu, Alexis?"

"You have to admit, Stefan. Anastacia is a lonnnnng name for such a small baby. The name Staci fits her perfectly."

"How is she ever going to assume her position in the family if the family insists on calling her that ridiculous nickname?" Stefan argues. "Name is everything in this family. I realize you hold little stock in the power of a name since you called your son... Stone."

Alexis shakes her finger at Stefan. "Don't go there, Stefan. I'm not going to have this argument with you again. By the way, did I mention how terrified I was when you disappeared on me?"

"As I've repeatedly told you, I am fine." Stefan opens his arms and shows himself to Alexis as a picture of fine health. He even sports a good humored smile on his face. "You can see for yourself there is nothing to worry about. I merely needed some time to make some decisions. I've done that."

"You do look better than you did before you left," Alexis admits as she studies him closely. "Still looking a bit tired, but you're relaxed... I'd almost say at peace."

"I am at peace," Stefan stresses. "I am resolved to get what joy I can get out of life. I have a beautiful loving family. It is time I stopped being selfish and started appreciating them again." He walks around the desk and folds Alexis' hand between his while at the same time kissing her cheek. "You are precious to me, Alexis. More than I have ever admitted."

Fighting tears at Stefan's heartfelt statement, Alexis pulls Stefan into a hug. "I love you too, Stefan."

Chapter 64: Loose Ends

I have ordered this missive brought to you in case of my unexpected demise. It concerns mutual unfinished business. I am relying on you to do what is necessary to ensure Laura's and Alexis' (and their respective families) safety if I am unsuccessful in procuring it myself.

I have arranged for this piece of unfinished business in Greece to be dispatched upon my death. But in the event my employees do not fulfill their responsibility, I am requesting you see it done with the efficiency for which you are known. This risk cannot continue to exist. There is no one else who I can be certain will handle her appropriately.

I have included the necessary information to complete this task. I am confident you will understand the risk and act expeditiously.

Sincerely,
Stefan Cassadine

Stefan slips the letter and the accompanying information into an envelope, seals it, and writes on the outside: Jason Morgan

My Dearest Laura,

By now the news of my disappearance has reached you. Do not waste time wondering if I am alive. I am gone. My death is my final act of devotion so that you and our children will be finally free of the curse that surrounds me. I am weary of the agony, of the emptiness inside me. Most of all, I am weary of causing you endless pain. Everything I touch turns to ashes. Richard's disappearance is the final proof. I cannot continue to live and watch the inevitable destruction of you and LesleyLu and know that I am the cause.

So I free you. I believe you love me in your own way, and I thank you for bestowing on me the few happy moments of my life, and of the precious gift of raising Nikolas. Raising him is the one good act, the one exception to my bleak and destructive existence. The one person I have not destroyed. Please watch over him and make him understand that my death is for the best, and if he wishes to honor me, he should do so by living fully, loving freely and raising his family with the generosity of spirit that is unique to him.

Precious LesleyLu. I am aware my demise will devastate her. LesleyLu is the reason I have survived as long as I have. If not for her, I would have been dead months ago. But as time has passed, I am convinced I am sapping her joyous soul. I am empty, desolate. I have nothing to give her but a bleak future full of pain and tragedy. No love for life, no hope, she deserves so much more. Make her understand I am not leaving her. The best of me is within her and I count on her to keep it alive. Surround her with family: Nikolas, Lucky, Emily, Alexis, Gina and the infants. She will need the whole family. She will transcend this loss, for she is an angel.

My dearest Laura, my love for you knows no bounds. My fondest wish is for you to find love and happiness with a man who cherishes you and LesleyLu. Take the love I have for you and hold it close to your heart, knowing that I died seeking the peace I couldn't find in life.

All of my love, Stefan

Stefan stares at the parchment intently as an internal struggle wages. He shakes his head once, stands and walks over to the corner of his office. Without hesitation, he turns the shredder on, feeds the lone paper into it and watches as his words disintegrate into tiny strips of paper.

Late Evening:

After a marathon reading session with Lulu and a brief stint in the study getting last minute details straightened out, Stefan pauses outside the door to the bedroom he shares with Laura. He puts his hand on the dark wood door, running his fingers over the smooth surface.

He has been dreading this since his return home. And to be quite honest, he has been dreading his bedroom and his time alone with Laura since Richard disappeared. Not because his feelings had changed for Laura, but because of their loss. Looking at her haunted eyes ripped him apart. It was like looking in a mirror, which was another thing he avoided these days.

Squaring his shoulders and gathering his resolve, Stefan puts his hand on the knob. Simply put, he had to get this over with. And a large part of him, the part that has missed their intimacy in recent months, who loves and desires Laura more than ever, is longing to be with her again. To commit to memory his time with her, and to give her a wonderful memory to fill the months to come.

Stefan opens to the door to find Laura in her nightgown at her dressing table, undoing the braid at the back of her head. After removing his suit coat, Stefan comes to a stand behind her and their eyes lock. "May I?"

Laura gives him a warm smile and hands him the brush. Stefan unwinds the braid with his long fingers, savoring the feel of her soft luxurious hair in his hands. How had he allowed this ritual to fall by the wayside? He loves this time with her.

Once her hair has fallen about her shoulders, Laura closes her eyes. Stefan methodically brushes her hair, stroke after stroke, knowing from experience that it relaxes her. After several minutes of silence, Laura groans. "Gosh, I have missed this, Stefan. Not just this, but all of our simple moments together. It scares me how much we lost when Richard disappeared."

A flash of pain crosses Stefan's face and he pauses in brushing her hair. Laura reaches up behind her and squeezes his hand. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."

Stefan kisses her on the top of her head then resumes brushing. "I am fine, Laura. You didn't do anything wrong."

The silence stretches between them again as Laura relaxes under Stefan's ministrations. He takes his time, continuing the ritual beyond what's necessary. Finally Laura grabs his wrists and turns as she stands. "Enough, Stefan."

Catching the smoldering look in Laura's eyes, Stefan smirks. "Are you positive?"

After nudging the chair out of the way, Laura threads her fingers between his and presses their hands together until their palms meet. She walks toward him until their bodies almost touch, her eyes glittering suggestively. "I want you, My Sweet Husband. What are you going to do about it?"

"Sweet? I've never had that applied to me before." Stefan lets the tension between them draw out, wanting to savor the longing, increase the pleasure for both of them. His head lowers until their lips are only an inch apart. "Hmm, what should I do about it, Sweet Wife?"

Laura stands on tiptoes and plants a whisper-soft kiss on his lips, whose sweetness causes him to stop breathing. She pulls back as quickly as she makes contact. In response, Stefan lowers his mouth, brushing his lips tentatively against hers, testing the waters, teasing, relearning how she feels.

One taste isn't enough. Laura melds with Stefan as his hands cup the back of her head to keep her lips in place. He kisses her thoroughly, with ever increasing passion until they are both swaying on their feet. Her body feeling like liquid fire, Laura strokes his bearded cheeks lovingly as they try to catch their breath. "Please make love to me, Stefan. I want you, I want our life back. All of it. Please."

"How can I refuse such a plea?" Stefan answers gruffly. He lowers his mouth to hers again, kissing her reverently while his fingers undo the tie at the front of her nightgown. With infinite tenderness, Stefan slides it off her shoulders, kissing the newly bared skin. Laura gasps and throws back her head. Stefan pins her arms to her side with the nightgown while his mouth trails kisses down her throat.

Laura's knees buckle and Stefan lifts her into his arms to carry her to their bed. Before sinking into blissful oblivion, Stefan looks into her eyes. "I love you, Laura. Always and forever. You are the only woman I will ever love."

The two stallions are galloping at top speed through the open field neck and neck, the riders low in the saddle, single-mindedly focused on spurring their mounts to their peak performance. A casual observer would notice how alike the two men are, how they hold their heads in precisely the same way, the way they spur their mounts, the way they hold the reins, and the steely look of fierce determination. Even to a complete stranger there would be no doubt the two men are related.

A moment later the race ends with one horse a nose ahead of the other. Laughing, Stefan who is on the slower mount, is the first to pull up, gradually slowing his stallion to an easy lope. Nikolas, atop Sheba, quickly follows suit as he joins his uncle in laughter. "I can't believe it!" Nikolas says finally.

Stefan grins at Nikolas, the pleasure of the moment shining in his eyes. "What can't you believe?"

"That after all these years you would consent to race me!" Nikolas shakes his head in disbelief. "I can't remember how many times I begged you as a child to race horses and you always refused. Why now?"

"Was it as pleasurable as you hoped it would be?" Stefan asks, avoiding the question for a moment.

Nikolas breaks into a huge smile. "Better!"

Stefan reaches over and pats Nikolas on the shoulder. "That is why I agreed to the race today. We have spent too much time of late in serious matters. We both deserved some laughter. Besides, as a child, you would have lost against me."

Sheba lags a few paces behind Stefan's stallion, so Nikolas urges her forward to match them stride for stride. "Admit it, Uncle. You were afraid you would lose to a teenager."

"Don't be ridiculous," Stefan smiles with a twinkle in his eye. "Well, perhaps there is some small truth to what you say. You have always been a superior horseman."

Once their horses are cooled down, Nikolas and Stefan tie their horses to a tree branch and walk to an outcropping of large rocks with a view of the water.

"I should take Gina out here once she's rested and Anastacia is a little older," Nikolas comments as he lifts his face into the sun. "The wind is invigorating."

"It is." Stefan watches Nikolas instead of looking at the water. "Have I told you how proud of you I am? Of the man you have become?"

"I know how proud of me you are," Nikolas answers. "You don't have to say it, Uncle. You have been distracted lately, with everything else that's happened."

"Ah, but that is really no excuse," Stefan argues. "What you have accomplished has been truly remarkable. Every day you have taken over more responsibility with the Cassadine holdings. You have gained the respect and admiration of the people who work for you. More so than I ever have. You are an outstanding leader, Nikolas. While I have been successful in engendering fear and respect, you have won their admiration and loyalty."

Nikolas fights a blush. "I am what you taught me to be, Uncle."

"Perhaps I helped a little," Stefan allows. "But you have an innate quality that makes people want to follow you. A quality I have never possessed. With the experience you've had in the last few months, I truly believe you could run Cassadine Inc without me. And in time, better than I ever have."

Nikolas shakes his head adamantly. "No. I'm not ready to run it, Uncle. Nor do I want to. Not yet."

"The responsibility seems overwhelming, I am sure." Stefan picks up a small pebble and shoots it over the ledge down to the water below. "But you will discover in time that I am right. You have outgrown my counsel, Nikolas. Whether you want to admit it or not."

Nikolas looks up from the water, a sliver of alarm shooting through him. "You make it sound like I don't need you anymore. Nothing could be more untrue! Is that what you're trying to tell me?"

"Of course not," Stefan counters smoothly. "I am merely stating the obvious. That if I were not here, you would manage quite effectively. That is of great comfort to me to me now, as I am making plans for my retirement."

"Have you resented being my Regent?" Nikolas asks. "I know it couldn't have been easy, fighting Helena, giving up your future away from the family so you could groom me to be head of the family."

Stefan reaches over and cups Nikolas' cheek lovingly. His voice is soft, but full of emotion. "I have no regrets, Nikolas. Not where you are concerned. You are proof that my life hasn't been for naught. That I have had a purpose on this earth. You have consistently brought joy and meaning to my life since the day you were conceived. I knew the moment your mother told me she was pregnant that I would dedicate my life to protecting you, serving you in whatever capacity was needed." Stefan finds himself fighting tears as he struggles to bring some closure for himself with the single most important person in his life. "And you have surpassed my expectations, Nikolas. You have grown into a man I revere. I am most fortunate to have had the chance to raise you. You have made me a better man than I would have been without you. Don't ever forget that, Nikolas. Whenever you doubt yourself, remember what I've said today."

Nikolas swipes tears off his face. How is it possible that he could be so happy, have his heart so full, yet feel such incredible sadness? "Why... why are you saying all this now?"

With his heart breaking, Stefan strokes Nikolas's cheek. This, this conversation was hardest of all. Nikolas had always been empathic, sensing his moods even if he couldn't understand what was behind them. Despite his best effort, Stefan's finds his facade crumbling. "Because you are a father now, Nikolas. Raising you, loving you, is the closest I am ever going to get to being a father. I wanted to share what joy that's brought me. Thank you for blessing my life, Nikolas."

Nikolas weeps openly, burying his face in Stefan's shoulder as a distraught Stefan holds onto him for dear life. "I don't understand why I'm so sad! I... I should be so happy. I am happy. It just doesn't make any sense."

Stefan forces himself to calm down, to get a grip. Nikolas needs to be reassured and he would do what was required. "What is the American term... a 'rite of passage'? Yes, a good phrase. It is difficult to give up the safety of childhood to be a man. Not just for you, but for me as well. But the time is right, Nikolas. You know that."

Nikolas lets go of Stefan and looks out at the water again. What his uncle said made a lot of sense. This was an ending of sorts, and he had good reason to be sad about that. But also so much to look forward to. "This has been a perfect morning for ride. Why haven't we done this more often? We used to have plenty of time for this..."