Chapters 53 & 54

 

Chapter 53 Find Your Own Way

Alexis sweeps into her apartment, her feet hardly touching the ground. She can't recall any time recently when she felt so free and happy. She smiles broadly at Justus, who follows her in. "Thank you for a terrific time, Justus. A night filled with dinner and dancing? I can't even recall the last time I went out dancing." She winces at how that sounds. "Pathetic, isn't it?"

"Well.... I wouldn't say that," Justus hedges. "But I do think you need to get out and have fun more."

"Didn't we have a version of this conversation some time ago?" Alexis asks in a teasing tone. "Something about all work and no play?"

Justus approaches Alexis, his eyes admiring the glow of happiness that exudes from her. She is stunning and completely irresistible. "Indeed we did." Standing a few inches away from her, their eyes locked on each other as if no one else existed, his voice goes quiet and gruff. "I should say good night."

Alexis reaches up a hand to trace the tips of her fingers down his cheek. "What if I don't want you to? What if I want you to stay?"

Feeling his control slipping, Justus grabs her hand and presses a kiss into her palm. "This night has been perfect, I don't want to ruin it by rushing things."

Alexis' thumb brushes his lips tantalizingly. Justus is so handsome, and his touch so sensual and gentle, she finds herself aching for more than just flirtation and a chaste kiss good night. "What if I don't want to wait," She murmurs, leaning closer so her body is just a hair's breath from his.

Justus groans and closes his eyes. Damn, she was doing it to him again, driving him insane with her teasing. He didn't know how much longer he could resist. "Alexis... you aren't playing fair."

"Damn right, I'm not playing fair." Alexis wraps her arms around his neck and nuzzles his throat. "I've had a lot of time to think since the kiss we shared in your car. Life is too short to live in fear... I want to be happy. And the last time I felt real happiness was with you, in your arms." Not to be deterred, Alexis tugs at his tie, loosening it enough to get to the buttons of his shirt. "So unless you strenuously object, I'm going to have my way with you, Counselor."

Justus' full-bodied laughter fills the room. "Oh, I can get behind that, Counselor. I can definitely get behind that."

...................

The next morning. The Lighthouse doorbell is ringing

Putting down his paintbrush, Kevin wipes his hands clean with a washrag on the way to the door. He smiles and steps aside to let his visitor in. "Nikolas, thanks for coming."

"You said it was urgent, I came as soon as I could," Nikolas replies. "Is this about Cassidy and her baby?"

Kevin leads him to the couch and urges him to sit while he takes a chair nearby. "No, it's a little more close to home. It's about Stefan."

"What specifically are you concerned about?"

"Let me be honest, Nikolas, I hesitated saying anything because it's not my style and I know Stefan would be furious with me if I did. But after much soul searching, I decided I couldn't let this go." Kevin goes onto explain. "I came across him at the park yesterday, and before he saw me, he was staring intently at a couple with a baby. Then when I made myself known, he pretended they didn't exist. The rest of the conversation was very superficial. Not surprisingly, he didn't want to talk about himself. But in the short conversation we had, I could tell he wasn't handling Richard's disappearance well. He's too defended, and very withdrawn."

Nikolas gets up and starts pacing the room, while Kevin watches him. Finally Kevin speaks. "Obviously this isn't news to you."

"No, it isn't," Nikolas admits. "I've been worried all along, but I think the situation has gotten worse since my mother has started to recover. It seemed when she was unable to cope, he had someone to focus on, someone to help, but now...." His voice trails off. "Earlier this week, I found him outside the General Hospital nursery, looking at the babies." Nikolas shakes his head. "I can't describe the look on his face, but it looked to me like he was purposefully torturing himself. Why would he do that?"

"One can only guess. If he's feeling that the kidnapping is his fault, he might feel that he needs to be punished." Kevin shrugged. "I'm sure it's more complicated than that, but I wouldn't be surprised if this is at the heart of it. It's not news to you that Stefan is a man who prides himself on controlling all the variables in his life. And Richard's disappearance was one variable he couldn't control."

"But he won't talk about it," Nikolas says, shaking his head helplessly. "I just don't know how to reach him. I've tried, I've really tried, but he insists he's fine. I've thought of asking him to talk to you, but I haven't because I was afraid he'd get angry."

"The best you can do is watch and wait. Make yourself available to him. At some point, he's going to have to find some resolution." Kevin sighs sadly. "My main concern is that he's depressed and not thinking clearly. He might not be eating and sleeping properly. Those are all signs you have to watch out for. If you see anything that worries you, don't hesitate to call me. No matter how minor it is."

"Thanks Kevin," Nikolas rises from the chair. "I better get going. I'll be in touch."

Kevin pats Nikolas on the back as he walks him to the door. "Give Gina my best, Nikolas. How is her pregnancy going? Stefan mentioned she's going to have the baby at home?"

................

"Lucky Spencer, you have outdone yourself," Laura says between bites of her hot dog. "The idea of eating hot dogs in Central Park is inspired. Look at Lulu. She's having a ball feeding the pigeons her roll."

Lucky leans back on the park bench and sips his soda. "Thanks Mom, but it really didn't take much thought. One of my favorite memories is of the time you and Dad took me to Central Park to feed the pigeons."

Laura smiles sadly as she thinks of that happy memory from a lifetime ago. "Those were nice times, weren't they? Just you and me and your dad? Everything was so simple then."

"Yeah, just a few rules: Don't stay in one place too long, keep and eye out for anyone suspicious, and always, always have fun."

"Yeah, your dad certainly knew how to have fun." Laura brushes the crumbs off her lap in a busy motion.

"Do you miss him, Mom?" Lucky regrets asking the question as soon as the words are out of his mouth, but he doesn't take them back.

Laura stares out at Lulu, keeping her tone matter of fact. "Of course I miss him. Every day. I always thought I would grow old with him." She stops herself from going on about her life now. Knowing her son, she knows he doesn't need the reminder of the life she's made with Stefan.

Glancing back at Lulu, Lucky chokes on a bite of hot dog when he sees a particularly bold pigeon try to steal the naked hot dog in Lulu's hand. Lulu stomps her feet and scolds the bird, who stalks off in an apparent huff. Her bread gone, Lulu returns to the bench. "Can we go buy a loaf of bread? Please? Look how hungry they are."

"I hate to burst your bubble, Little Sister, " Lucky says as he leans in. "But have you taken a look at those birds? They aren't hungry, they're FAT. If they eat much more, they'll burst. They look more like blimps than birds. I doubt they can even fly."


..........................

Stefan strides along the path to the south facing bluff of Spoon Island. Instead of taking his usual vigil on the stone bench, he instead walks to the edge of the bluff, where there is a sharp drop to the water below.

Coming to the precipice, Stefan stares down at the water, unmindful of the strong breeze that bites into his light suit coat and ruffles his hair. The knot in Stefan's chest loosens ever so slightly as he loses himself in the mesmerizing ripples of the water.

Like Nikolas and Laura, Stefan has always been drawn to the water. As a child, the water promised escape from the island imprisonment he suffered. Often times, he would fantasize about taking a boat and floating away, never to see his family again. Despite the temptation, he never dared try it, fearing that Helena would drag him back and prove once and for all that there was no escape.

Now it offered him another kind of escape, escape from the internal torment, the private prison he encased himself in. Free of having to worry about Laura and Lulu, he let his mind dwell on the possibility that Richard was dead, a fear he had never chanced to say out loud, out of concern of the devastation it would cause to his wife. But Laura was away now, happy in New York with Lucky and Lulu. He didn't have to worry about upsetting her. She was better now. Perhaps happier without him.

Stefan lets the fear of Richard's demise wash over him, fill every part of his being. A wave of despair quickly follows, to be succeeded by a stronger wave of hopelessness. Richard was gone forever. Alive or dead, they would never see him again. His son, the one child he could openly claim as his own is gone forever. Tears streak down his face with alarming speed, and his body trembles with overwhelming grief.

Nikolas emerges from the path behind him. Terror seizes him at the sight of Stefan at the edge of a cliff, not even an inch of ground to catch him if he loses his balance. For a minute, Nikolas is rooted to the spot, speechless for fear of startling Stefan into accidentally falling. The next moment, Nikolas is propelled into action. He comes up behind Stefan and wraps his strong arms around his uncle's waist and pulls him back towards safe ground.

Stefan stumbles back, unprepared for Nikolas's actions. Once he gains his footing and he recovers from his surprise, Stefan's temper takes over. "What is the meaning of this, Nikolas?!"

"I... I was afraid..." Nikolas' throat closes, making it hard for him to speak. As the meaning of what might have happened sinks in, tears fill his eyes.

"Did you think me daft?! Did you think me a coward?!" Stefan fury causes his voice to shake. "Am I not allowed to come to a place where I find peace and be left alone to grieve? Or does my well meaning family plan to follow me everywhere and save me from myself?!"

Nikolas tries to take a deep breath, but he's so rattled, he's unsuccessful. "I didn't know what to think! Tell me what to think! Why.... Why would you stand on the edge like that?"

"Is it that impossible that I might be on the bluff because I enjoyed gazing at the water? What have I done that you suddenly have become concerned about my safety?" Stefan demands "Is this about my visit to the hospital nursery?"

"You're scaring me, Okay!" Nikolas blurts out. "You walk around like you're some robot most of the time, then I find you outside the hospital nursery looking at newborns! What am I supposed to think when I find you on the ledge looking like you might fall?"

Stefan crosses his arms, deeply offended. "You might have confidence in my ability to keep my balance, Nikolas. And you might allow me to grieve my son's loss in my own way. I am sorry that I don't meet your standards. But I cannot grieve on your timetable, or in a way you consider appropriate."

Nikolas brushes away the tears. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply you couldn't take care of yourself, but damn it, you're important to me! I don't want to lose you. And everyday you're a little farther away from me and everyone else who cares about you."

Stefan reaches forward to cup the back of Nikolas' head and bring it against his chest. Embracing Nikolas tightly, his voice drops to a gruff whisper. "Nikolas, if I am scaring you, I apologize, but I need you to trust me to handle this in my own way and in my own time. I am not your mother or LesleyLu, I require solitude and contemplation. Allow me the time and the space, Nikolas. And trust me."

 

Chapter 54: An Eye Opener

The following morning

Laura makes her way down the path to the ranch house on the south end of the island. For the first time since Richard's disappearance she feels strong enough to face it. She's not sure if she can get beyond looking at the house from a distance, but even that will be a major step for her. To face the reality head on, even if it's for a few minutes, will prove to herself that she's on the way to recovering.

With her heart beating wildly in her chest, Laura steps out into the clearing. She remembers when Stefan first brought her here, blindfolded, to surprise her with the house where they would share their future. A home to call her own, something she didn't think Wyndemere would ever be.

Looking at it now, it seems smaller than she remembered but still quite beautiful. The gardens are still well tended, obviously by the groundspeople that Stefan employs. Steeling herself, she walks towards the house with slow determination, not rushing, but not hesitating either. At the front door, she puts her hand on the knob, taking a moment to get used to the feel of it. She remembers how happy she was the first time she opened this door, how happy she was the countless times she opened it while she was decorating it in the final months before Richard was born. The memory brings tears to her eyes. She'd lost so much since that happy time in her life, and it hits her again how much one's life can change in a blink of an eye.

When she turns the knob, she finds it locked. This surprises her, considering that Spoon Island is private property with plenty of security. There is no need to lock it. She peers through the front window and finds that the main area is barren, devoid of all decoration and furniture she lovingly picked out.

Her heart plummets into her stomach at the ramifications. Tossing her head back defiantly, refusing to succumb to her feelings, she walks around the house, peering into each window and finding the rooms empty. The last room she checks is the nursery, which is also empty, including the wallpaper she put up herself. Anger surges in her veins. How dare he, how dare he do this without asking her?

..........................

Tom Hardy stands outside the door of Alexis' penthouse, stopping himself from knocking when he hears a male voice inside. Thinking quickly, he finds cover around the corner where he can observe the comings and goings.

Alexis' penthouse door opens and Justus and Alexis emerge kissing. "Mmmmm, this is nice. I could definitely get used to this," Justus murmurs between drugging kisses. The top button of his dress shirt is unbuttoned and his suit jacket is throw over his shoulder.

Alexis, still dressed in her nightgown, nibbles on his chin. "Me too. You sure you have to go? I could have lunch delivered."

Justus chuckles, twining a clump of her hair around his finger. "As much as you are tempting, I really need to get back to my apartment to change. It would not do to stand up Keesha. She has quite a temper when she's provoked."

"No, I suppose you can't miss your date with her." Alexis tone is disappointed. "So I guess this is where I thank you for a wonderful evening of dinner and dancing..."

Justus cuts off her words with a searing kiss. "Just tell me you won't make me wait so long next time."

"Would tonight be too long a wait?" Alexis suggests.

Justus grins. "Much too long, but I will find a way. I am known to be a patient man."

Alexis snorts. "Oh please. Get out of here before I prove you wrong."

Justus says his final good bye and Alexis closes her door. A moment later, Tom reappears from behind the corner. Looking from the penthouse to the elevator where Justus exited, Tom furrows his brow and walks away.

.......................



The uncharacteristic sound of a door slamming reverberates through the downstairs portion of Wyndemere. Her eyes blazing with fire, Laura goes in search of her husband. She finds him in his study, at his computer. "When did you do it?" She demands.

Stefan looks up at his furious wife, and instantaneously his walls go up. "It would help me to know what you are accusing me of," He answers stiffly.

"The ranch house," Laura bites out as she comes to a stand in front of his desk. "I want to know when you tore everything down and had it packed away."

"Does it matter when I did it?" Stefan counters. "I saved you the pain and agony of having to face it yourself, I would think you would have appreciated my actions."

"I don't appreciate you leaving me in the dark!" Laura retorts angrily. "You had no right tearing down all my hard work without at least talking to me about it! I spent hours and hours in that house getting it perfect for our family! How dare you!"

"The operative word being 'our family'." Stefan's words are brutal as he rises to his full height. "After Richard disappeared, we had no intention of ever living there. Why leave an open sore to remind us of what we lost?"

"That was a decision for us to make together," Laura argues. "I went there today, Stefan. I went there to face it, to see it for myself because I needed to. Only to find it all gone! I'm surprised you didn't have the house demolished!"

"Don't think I haven't considered it." Stefan turns away from her, fighting to keep his despair in check.

Laura's response is to get deadly quiet. "Don't you dare. I will never EVER forgive you. I NEED that house, Stefan. You destroy it, and you might as well blow our marriage apart."

Stefan whirls to face her, ashen. "Is this what we've become? Strangers in our marriage? Angry strangers that threaten each other?"

"You took apart our home, our dreams for the future!" Laura's voice cracks as the grief seeps in. "What am I supposed to think? Why did you do it, Stefan? Why take it apart?"

Laura's heartbroken tone cuts through Stefan's defenses and his shoulders sag. "It was a matter of survival, Laura. Looking at that house, full of all our dead hopes and dreams, it was too painful. I just couldn't do it anymore."

Laura walks around the desk to hug him, and for the briefest of moments, she feels him draw strength from her. "I love you, Stefan, you must know that. I need to understand why you did it. And I need you to consult me when you do something that affects me."

Stefan draws in a shaky breath and collects himself, taking small pleasure in stroking his wife's soft blonde hair. "Forgive me, Laura. I will endeavor to do so in the future."

"Promise me that you will leave the house alone, that you won't destroy any of it's contents." Laura's hold on Stefan tightens. "Promise me."

"I promise you, Laura."

............................

Port Charles Grille

Keesha looks at her watch again, sighing with impatience. She really hated being kept waiting, she'd have to give Justus a piece of her mind because he knew better. Just as she's mentally preparing a scathing lecture, Tom Hardy approaches her table. "Keesha, it's great to see you. It's been quite a while. How is Bradley? Growing like a weed I imagine?"

Keesha smiles warmly at him. "He's terrific. I'm planning on enrolling him in preschool in the fall. How is Tommy?"

"Mind if I take a seat?" Tom asks, thanking her when she motions to the one across from her. "He's coming for his summer visit this next week."

"You must be looking forward to that," Keesha replies graciously. "I haven't spoken with Simone in ages. Is she enjoying her new position in Chicago?"

"She seems to be." Tom puts his elbows on the table so he can lean closer to Keesha to speak more confidentially. "But between you and me, I think she misses Port Charles and Justus. She never really got over him."

"I always thought they were terrific together, but it just didn't work out after the hard time Tommy had adjusting. And then Justus got hooked up with Rachel Gannon over in Llanview." Keesha shakes her head sadly. "Poor Justus. First Simone, then Dara, and finally Rachel. He has the worst luck with women. I think he's still reeling from his sudden breakup with Rachel. He was really sweet on her."

"Really?" Tom's eyes widen with interest, but he quickly covers it. "I mean, I wasn't aware that he was seeing anyone... any idea what broke them up?"

Keesha shrugs. "Not much. Justus doesn't confide in me, and he'd kill me if he knew I was discussing his love life at all. If I were to guess though, it would be that Justus wanted to get married and Rachel balked. She's had a rough patch of it in the last five years, and I don't think she was ready to settle down."

Justus arrives at the table, all smiles. "Hello, Tom. Thanks for keeping Keesha company, you probably saved me from a lecture."

Keesha gives him a good natured scowl. "Yes, as a matter of fact, he did. Because of him, you're going to get off easy."

Tom quickly vacates the chair and offers to Justus. "It's good to see you, Justus. Keesha, I'll give Simone your regards. You two have a nice lunch."

...............

Laura flips the key over and over in her hand as she sits by her bedside table. After their argument, Stefan had relinquished the key to the storage room that held the nursery items. He had assured her that everything had been carefully put away and would remain unmoved as long as she wished. His eyes had widened with surprise when she told him she wanted to redecorate one of the rooms at Wyndemere, but anxious to smooth things between them, he had quickly assented.

Now all she had to do was find the strength.

..................

The Spencer Homestead

Reclining on the couch, Lucky holds Emily against his chest as they watch an old movie. Finding himself more interested in Emily than the movie, Lucky brushes her hair away from her neck to place a soft kiss at the nape. Emily sighs, letting her head roll forward to provide him more access. Just as Lucky is about to expand his exploration, the phone rings.

Emily, the keeper of the remote, hits pause just as Lucky answers the phone. "Lucky Spencer."

"Lucky, it's... Mom."

Lucky sits upright at the slight quaver in her voice. "Mom, is something wrong? Did something happen?"

"No... not exactly." Laura looks down at the key in her hand. "Actually I was calling to see if you could help me with something. Is this a bad time? This could wait..."

"What is it, Mom?" Lucky presses, his voice betraying some tension. Emily turns to face him, taking his free hand in hers.

"I.. uh... I need to get Richard's nursery stuff out of a storage room, and I was wondering if you were up to helping me with it?" Feeling the sadness threaten, Laura swallows hard and forces out the words. "I wouldn't ask this normally, but I'm just not sure how I'll feel. This will be the first time I've seen it since Richard disappeared...."

Lucky's answer is firm. "I'll be right over."

Laura's shoulders sag with relief. "Thank you, Lucky. I can't tell you how much this means to me."

"I'll see you in a bit." As soon Lucky hangs up the phone, he closes his eyes and leans his head back on the couch

Emily tightens her hold on Lucky's hand. "What's wrong with your mom?"

"Mom wants to get Richard's stuff out of storage." Lucky explains. "She wants me to be there. I just hope she isn't pushing herself too hard. I don't want her to lose all the progress she's made in the last couple weeks."

"Isn't it better if you're with her? I'd be more worried if she wanted to do this alone." Emily reaches over and brushes a lock of hair off his forehead. "The question is, are you up to it?"

"I'll be okay."

"Let me go with you," Emily suggests. "We can help your mother together."