Chapters 19 & 20

 

Chapter 19: A Window Into the Soul

Laura and Alexis seat themselves at the Outback. "So, where is Stefan? I half expected to see him lurking about." Alexis jokes as they open their menus.

"He said he has some business at the hospital, so we traveled in together," Laura replies with a knowing smirk. "He'd probably seat himself at a table a few feet away from us if he didn't think I'd throw a fit."

"You're taking his... 'over protectiveness' in stride, I think most women would either be cowed or want to strangle him. He takes concern to such extremes."

"I guess I'd want to strangle him too if I didn't know that it's his terror of something happening to me making him so overbearing," Laura explains. "You know the life he's led up to this point... He's never allowed himself to be truly happy. Now he is and he doesn't know how to handle it. And he's terrified that he'll wake up one day and it'll just be a dream."

"He actually told you that?" Alexis is incredulous. "He keeps such a tight lid on his feelings most of the time, it's hard to imagine him being that vulnerable with anyone. I've only seen that part him a few times myself, and that was when we were very young. How did you break through that shell and get him to admit it?"

Their conversation pauses while they give the waitress their orders, then Laura answers. "It wasn't easy for him to admit it to me, I tell you. In fact, it took World War III in our living room to get him shook up enough to tell me what's going on. It took him thinking he might lose me."

Alexis' eyes widen as she digests this information. "You two seem so blissfully happy, it's hard to believe.. When did this happen?"

"About a month ago...."


FLASHBACK (one month prior)

The last snowfall of the season in Port Charles. A smile of his face, Stefan watches from a window in Wyndemere as Lulu and Laura make a snowman. He's tempted to join in, but the recognition that they need this time to themselves keeps him on the sidelines.

Once the snowman is completed, He watches Laura and Lulu make snow angels. This causes Stefan to frown slightly and mutter to himself, "Lasha, you are too far along in your pregnancy to be rolling around in the snow..."

Meanwhile, Lulu hops to her feet and grabs a handful of snow and throws it at her mother, who's still struggling to her knees. Laura laughs and grabs a handful herself and throws it at Lulu. The snowball fight escalates with both of them laughing and throwing handfuls of snow. At one point, Laura tries to stand, but in avoiding a snowball aimed at her head, she slips and falls back on one knee. "Oh!" She cries. "Okay, Lulu, no more Mrs Nice Guy!" She deluges Lulu with snow until Lulu is lying on the ground cackling hysterically.

Suddenly a furious Stefan appears, looming over them. Laura is the first to notice. "Oh hi, Darling."

Lulu grabs some snow and lofts it at Stefan's chest. "C'mon, Stefan. Let's have a snowball fight!"

With great effort Stefan forces himself to stay calm, but he can't help but sound abrupt. "I think it is time for both of you to come inside. Your mother is surely exhausted."

Lulu kicks some snow in disappointment. "Aw, do we have to? We were having fun. Can't we stay out a little bit longer?"

"No," Stefan answers sternly, sending a glowering look at Laura. "I must have a word with your mother privately. Perhaps Nikolas or Gina can play with you later."

"That was fun, wasn't it?" Laura says cheerfully as she struggles to her feet and brushes the snow off her clothes. "Come here, Lulu, and I'll brush off your clothes before we go inside." Laura takes her time brushing the snow off Lulu, all the while very aware of the rage simmering in Stefan.

She takes Lulu's hand and walks towards the house. Stefan stalks after them, watching with impotent fury as Laura calmly removes her daughter's snowsuit and boots, then proceeds to remove her own jacket and boots. He paces impatiently in front of them, finding it impossible to contain his indignation any longer. "Rolling around in the snow at this stage in your pregnancy is dangerous, Lasha," He admonishes. "You could have hurt yourself or the baby."

Laura keeps her tone light. "You worry too much, Stefan. I'm fine."

"I'm sorry, Mommy," Lulu interrupts. "I didn't think the baby might get hurt while we were playing..."

Laura gives her daughter a reassuring squeeze while at the same time she shoots a steaming Stefan a dirty look over her daughter's shoulder. "Nonsense, Honey. Nothing could have happened to the baby. There's no reason for you to be sorry. But Stefan and I need to talk alone, okay?"

Lulu pulls at her mother's hand. "What about the hot chocolate you promised earlier?"

Knowing Stefan's temper is about to erupt, Laura tries to disengage herself from Lulu. "In a minute, Honey. Why don't you go to the kitchen and I'll be right behind you?"

"Mrs Lansbury will get you the hot chocolate," Stefan says through gritted teeth, his hands clenched at his sides.

"But I want Mommy to make me the chocolate..." Lulu whines, pulling at her mother's hand. "Please, Mommy."

After suffering what seems to be endless stalls and delays, Lulu's whine is the last straw. Stefan explodes. "LEAVE US, LesleyLu. NOW!"

Laura immediately leads Lulu out of the room and hugs her at the door. "Thank you for the wonderful afternoon, Sweetheart. I haven't had so much fun in ages. We'll talk later, okay? Everything will be fine." After Lulu walks out, Laura closes the door behind her.

Laura turns and faces Stefan, her eyes blazing with outrage. "You will apologize to Lulu for that outburst, it was totally uncalled for! If you're angry with me, then yell at me. But don't you dare scream at my daughter like that! She's just a little girl. Who do you think you are?!"

Stefan is visibly shaking with rage. "I am your husband, the father of the unborn child you carry in your womb! I will not stand by and allow you to compromise your pregnancy with such frivolity! Nor will I tolerate having my concern casually brushed off. Does this pregnancy mean nothing to you?"

"Don't you dare insinuate that I don't want this baby! I take perfectly good care of myself and our child. There's nothing wrong with me having a snowball fight with my daughter if that's what I want to do."

"Then what you lack is judgment, Lasha," Stefan replies imperiously. "Because it would be obvious to anyone watching that you could have seriously hurt yourself a few minutes ago if you had slipped and fallen. I stood and watched you from the window and you almost did just that!"

"But I didn't, did I?" Laura challenges. "I'm just fine and so is our baby. You can't keep me in a protective bubble for the rest of my pregnancy. I won't live like that."

"And I will not permit you to endanger this child further! I will do whatever is necessary to protect you and my child. No more roughhousing, Lasha. Not until our child is born. No rigorous activity. If you refuse to act responsibly and moderate your behavior on your own, then I will put guards on you if I have to."

Laura explodes at his highhandedness. "You.. you bastard! You're no better than your bitch of a mother! You would have me be a prisoner in my own home? Put guards on me and treat me like less than a human?! Is that all I am? A brood mare to you?! Who will you kill to keep me and our child with you? If this is what being married to you means, I don't want any part of it!" Without waiting for a response, she slams out of the room.

With her accusations ringing in his ears, Stefan pales and grabs a nearby chair to keep his knees from buckling. "Oh God, what have I done?" Gulping for air, he looks around the living room furtively for something to ground him. Full blown panic seizes him...and as the walls start to close in on him, he makes a hasty exit out the front door.




"I didn't hear him leave," Laura explains to Alexis. "It wasn't until I went looking for him later that I found out he left."

"Where did he go?" Alexis asks, not able to stop herself.

"Thankfully, just to Kevin's." Laura takes a sip of her milk. "I couldn't have picked a better place for him to go myself."

Alexis shakes her head thoughtfully. "It's hard to imagine the two of you getting past that kind of argument, it sounds so ugly and hurtful, the kind of quarrel that destroys marriages. Cassadines don't usually have nasty fights for that very reason."

"Honestly," Laura admits. "I prefer this kind of argument to the guerrilla warfare and secrets that are a part of most Cassadine marriages. I told Stefan early on I wouldn't tolerate that kind of marriage."

"How did the two of you get through it? You two seem to have such a solid marriage now. It's not that you don't squabble, but you don't let it touch your feelings for one another."

"We did it by being really honest...."


FLASHBACK

Late at night at Wyndemere. Laura dozes lightly on the couch in the living room with a blanket over her. Once she had found out that Stefan had left the island, she had kept vigil in the living room waiting for his return. Up until this point, she had resisted calling anyone, partly to respect his privacy and partly because she didn't know who to call.

Stefan slips silently into Wyndemere and makes his way into the living room. Upon seeing Laura sleeping on the couch, his face softens into love for his wife and profound relief at finding her still there. Relief that his worst fear has yet to be realized.

He kneels before her on the floor, savoring the sight of her sleeping peacefully, looking very much like an angel. A fierce protectiveness surges through him. He would do anything to keep her safe, kill without blinking an eye. And he would let her go if need be, he admits to himself grimly, even though it would probably kill him.

Laura stirs, her eyes fluttering open. "You're home! I was so worried that something happened to you."

Stefan caresses her cheek lovingly. "My self loathing was so great, I found myself suffocating. I had to leave to clear my head. Forgive me for worrying you."

Laura pushes herself up into a sitting position and rubs her eyes to get rid of the last bit of grogginess. "There's no need to apologize, I'm just relieved you're home safe and sound." She pats the seat next to her on the couch. "We need to talk."

"Indeed we do. But you are obviously exhausted. What is between us can wait until the morning." Stefan rises to his feet and offers his hand to her.

Laura refuses his hand firmly. "We should talk now. This argument is too big to sleep on. Please, Stefan."

Stefan nods in acceptance and takes a seat next to her. "As you wish. You are probably correct, clearing the air between us shouldn't wait a moment longer."

Laura turns her body so she's facing him and takes one of his hands in hers. "I guess I'll start...I'm sorry for the harsh things I said earlier. They were very hurtful. No matter how difficult things are between us I shouldn't throw your mother in your face..."

"Your comparison of me to my mother was accurate," Stefan grimly points out.

Laura shakes her head. "Please let me finish first. I said those awful things to hurt you because I was very angry and I wanted to strike back. Saying things like that are below the belt, no matter how much you provoke me." She pauses to gather her thoughts. "I was so angry because you were trying to control me, Stefan. I meant what I said, I can't live inside that bubble you've been trying to create for me. You say it's to protect me, and maybe it is. But it feels like a prison. You've hardly let me off the island without being in your presence in the last two weeks. I'm feeling stifled, and quite honestly ... rebellious. Which is probably why I was roughhousing with Lulu today."

"I have made quite a mess of things," Stefan says quietly. "I only pray you will give me a chance to make things right between us."

"Why are you being this way, Stefan?" Laura presses. "Why are you smothering me? All you've succeeded in doing is driving a wedge between us. Our marriage can't survive under these conditions."

Stefan pets her hand as he fights the urge to weep and loses. "I can't lose you, Lasha. I can't."

Laura lifts his head and is startled to see his face wet with tears. "Stefan! You're crying!" She cradles his head lovingly, the pads of her thumbs wiping away the tears. Her voice is soft and cajoling, full of love and concern. "Tell me what's going on, please. That's the only way we'll get through this."

He sighs heavily. "I will try as best I can, I am not certain I completely understand what is happening to me. All I know is it consumes me." He gets up and paces the room in an attempt to calm himself. "The best way I can describe it is that I am gripped with terror most of the time."

"Terror? About what?" Laura prods gently.

"Of losing everything." Stefan pauses to stare into the fireplace at the last burning embers glowing there. "After our altercation, I paid a visit to Kevin. He helped me put some issues into perspective.... And the sum total is, for the first time in my life, I am truly happy. And for that very reason, I am terrified."

"I think I'm starting to understand."

"I have everything I have ever dreamed of having.... I am married to the woman I cherish who is carrying my child. And in the last few months, our relationship has blossomed beyond my expectations. For the first time in my life, I am truly happy." Stefan continues to stare into the fire. "And in the past, whenever I have been even remotely close to being happy, something or someone has always snatched it from me."

"So you're afraid of it happening again," Laura summarizes. "Of losing me and the baby."

Stefan nods. "Precisely, and when I saw you this afternoon playing so roughly with LesleyLu, I became alarmed. I was convinced something would happen to you or the baby because of it. I couldn't think clearly. All I knew was that I had to stop you from putting you or our child at risk. At any cost, or so I thought."

"Except the cost is too high," Laura adds.

Stefan turns to look at her for the first time since he started his explanation. He isn't the normally selfconfident, often arrogant man Laura's used to seeing. He looks haunted and vulnerable, almost beaten. "Yes, the cost is too high. I could very well lose you."

Laura goes to him; taking his hands in hers, she gazes steadily into his eyes. "If you're willing to try, we can get through this. I know we can."

Stefan takes a step closer to her and brings her hands to his lips, then rubs them against his cheek, cherishing the intimacy, the proximity to her. "I will try anything, walk through fire if I have to. Just don't walk away from me."

Laura closes the remaining distance between them and nuzzles his cheek with hers, then presses her lips to his tentatively, letting her actions add emphasis to her words. "I won't, I promise.... Let's go to bed. We can discuss the details in the morning. Right now, all I want is to feel your arms around me."



After finishing the story, Laura looks at a speechless Alexis and smiles. "Now you understand why I'm so tolerant when he gets highhanded. There have only been a handful of times where I truly believed that I got a glimpse of Stefan's soul, and that was one of them..." Laura's voice trails off as if she's lost in a memory, then she continues. "And each time the experience has been so profound, I've come away with a totally new appreciation for the man he is."

 

Chapter 20: Keeping Secrets

General Hospital. Stefan, who is just walking away from the nurses station, spies Nikolas disembarking from the elevator. His eyes light up. "Nikolas! This is a pleasant surprise. What are you doing here?"

Nikolas joins Stefan in his trek to his office. "Gina had her prenatal appointment today, and we just finished up. I thought I would come up here and see if you were interested in a gourmet lunch in the cafeteria. Gina had to rush off to class."

"A gourmet lunch at the cafeteria sounds ominous," Stefan says drily as they enter his office. "You are welcome to share the lunch that Mrs Lansbury just had delivered, however. For some reason known only to her, she included an extra serving, along with a second place setting."

"That'd be great. Sometimes Mrs Lansbury's powers of prediction are scary, but this time I'm just grateful." Nikolas takes a seat across from Stefan's desk and helps spread out the lunch, which consists of poached salmon in dill sauce, wild rice, and steamed asparagus with lemon slices on the side.

Stefan pours bottled water into goblets and places one in front of each place setting. "So, how was Gina's prenatal appointment? I trust the baby is perfectly healthy? As well as the mother?"

Nikolas smiles with genuine enthusiasm. "Yes, everything's fine. It's such an incredible experience to hear the baby's heartbeat. I think for the first time I truly believe my child is real. Up until now, it just seemed like some vague dream. Was it like that for you?"

"Yes, very much so. And the closer the child comes to being born, the more anxious I become," Stefan admits. "I am afraid I am driving your mother quite insane with my hovering. She has been remarkably patient, however. And in return, I want to do something special for her."

"Any way I can help?" Nikolas asks.

"Actually, there may be something you can do. But it has nothing to do with the surprise I have been planning." Stefan leans back and studies Nikolas for a moment, as if deciding how much to tell him. "I would like you to make an overture to Lucky. Convince him to come home, at least for the baby's birth. It is your mother's greatest wish at this point."

"Tell me where Lucky is and I'll do it," Nikolas answers without hesitation as he places slivers of white chocolate cheesecake drizzled with kiwi syrup on to two small desert plates. Carefully he arranges fresh blueberries and strawberries around each slice, then hands a plate to Stefan.

"Your mother has yet to consent to my searching for Lucky. I hope to convince her tonight."

Nikolas shakes his head in disbelief. "Come on, you don't expect me to believe you don't have an operative on Lucky, do you? I know you. You probably sent one after him the moment you heard he left town. You know exactly where Lucky is." The men stare at each other for a moment, sizing each other up, then Nikolas continues. "It doesn't anger me, if that is what you are worried about. If anything, it reassures me that Lucky is probably just fine."

"Your mother does not have any knowledge that I have been keeping 'track' of Lucky. She would be infuriated, I am sure." Stefan gets up and paces the room. "But it was necessary that I know where Lucky was at all times, in case Lasha needed him, and in case circumstances required intervention."

"You mean if he got himself in too deep and you had to bail him out," Nikolas translates. "I gather you haven't had to tip your hand?"

"No, for all of your brother's barroom brawling, he has an uncanny knack, like his father, to get himself out of his own scrapes." Stefan sighs. "And for that, I am grateful."

"Where is Lucky now?" Nikolas asks.

Stefan starts to clean up their lunch debris. "He is somewhere in the state of Arizona. The last time my operative made contact, they were in Phoenix. I should hear later today on their precise location."

"Aren't you worried your operative will be discovered? Lucky's pretty good at detecting a tail."

Stefan shakes his head. "It is not a serious risk at this point, since my operative has positioned himself in a such a way as to not arouse suspicion. Furthermore, my operative and I have established a form of communication that is untraceable. But to return to the issue at hand, I will get back to you once your mother has agreed that I may look for Lucky. I appreciate your willingness to talk to your brother. Any attempt by me to approach him would be doomed to failure."

"Thanks are unnecessary, Lucky's my brother and it's for my mother's benefit. I'm the natural choice." Nikolas stands up to leave. "What is this other surprise you have planned for Mother? Does this have something to do with the construction being done at the far end of the island?"

Stefan smiles secretly. "Yes, as a matter of fact, it does. That is all I am prepared to say at this point, however, so you will have to be patient."

Alexis and Laura are finishing their lunch up at the Outback. After the heavy conversation about Stefan, they had moved on to lighter topics, like babies and motherhood.

"Have you set up the nursery yet?" Alexis asks.

Laura shakes her head ruefully. "I have all the basics, but Stefan seems reluctant to actually set up the nursery. At first I thought it was his prenatal anxiety talking, but now I'm starting to suspect it's something else. I have a sneaking suspicion he's up to something."

"I wonder what---" Alexis stops mid sentence when she catches sight of Tom Hardy who has just walked through the door. Alexis blushes, but can't seem to break the gaze. He appears equally riveted.

Laura turns to see what has gotten Alexis' attention. "Oh... Tom Hardy." Laura smirks knowingly. "Does he have something to do with your mysterious behavior yesterday?"

Tom makes his way over to their table. "Good afternoon, Ladies. I hope you're having a nice lunch?"

Alexis coughs nervously. "Uh, yes. We were just finishing up. Are you meeting someone for lunch?"

"Nope. I'm just picking up an order to take back to the hospital. I have a ton of paperwork sitting on my desk that needs my attention." Tom sighs dramatically. "A shrink's work is never done. Laura, you look terrific. You're due to have the baby any day now, aren't you?"

Laura smiles politely. "Yes. Any day now. I'm hoping sooner rather than later. How is Tommy? I haven't seen him in ages."

"Tommy's doing great. He's coming for a visit during his Easter break from school. I can't wait to see him." Tom turns to Alexis. "I better be going. Alexis, could you stop by my office later? I want to consult on that mutual client of ours."

Alexis looks at her watch. "Sure, I think I have some time this afternoon before my next client."

Tom says goodbye and picks up his lunch order at the bar. Laura leans forward to whisper conspiratorially. "Okay, Alexis, give me the details. You're seeing him, aren't you?

Alexis looks furtively around the room, as if to make sure there aren't any spies. "You can't tell Stefan, Okay? Our noninterference pact aside, he would throw a fit the likes of which you wouldn't believe."

Laura rolls her eyes in mock annoyance. "Oh please! Give me some credit, will you? Stefan isn't the only one who can be secretive. I won't breathe a word to anyone."

"I'm not exactly seeing him," Alexis begins, her eyes sparkling happily. "At least not on an official basis. Things just... happened."

"Things... being what? Kissing or making love?"

"NO, not sex. I don't think I'm ready for that." Alexis looks at her lap and blushes in embarrassment yet again. "But we have kissed a few times, and it's quickly getting out of control. The first time we were sort of arguing about a hospital case that's due to go to court. I was just so furious at him, and him with me. The next thing I knew, he kissed me. And rather than being slapping him as I should have, I kissed him back. And anytime we're alone now, we end up trying to tear off each other's clothes. But it's insane, we're all wrong for each other."

"You've been alone for a long time," Laura points out. "There's nothing wrong with wanting to be with a man because you're attracted to him."

"But he can be such a jerk," Alexis argues unhappily. "And he hates Stefan as much as Stefan hates him. Mrs Lansbury even hates him and she likes everyone but Helena! This will end in disaster, I know it. And to top it all off, he used to be my therapist when Sonny first died. Can it get any worse?"

Laura reaches across the table and squeezes Alexis' hand. "You'll have to tread carefully because the situation is so complicated and fraught with potential disaster. But we don't always have a choice in who we love. Heck, never in a million years would I have picked Luke to love when when we first met, I was married happily to another man. But love him I did. And we had years and years of happiness together that I wouldn't trade for the world. The same with marrying Stefan. With the horrendous history I have with the Cassadines, any sort of relationship between us should be impossible. But here I am, expecting his child, and about as contented in my marriage as I could hope for. What I'm trying to say is, don't be quick to judge. See where this relationship with Tom takes you. Maybe it's just your hormones and loneliness, maybe it's more. You won't know unless you let it run it's course."

Alexis absorbs Laura's advice and squeezes her hand back gratefully. "Thank you. I think I needed to hear that."

"If this becomes serious, you'll have to find a way to tell Stefan," Laura warns.

Alexis nods. "I know, but I want to see if my feelings for Tom mean anything first. Without having to contend with Stefan's wrath."

"Of course. This is your secret to tell." Laura's eyes twinkle devilishly. "Besides, I like the fact that I know something he doesn't."

Alexis chuckles. "You're so bad! Do you mind if I head out...?"

Laura waves her off good naturedly. "Go see Tom. Just promise to fill me in later. Now that I'm an old married woman who's the size of a VW bus, I have to live vicariously through you."