Chapter 39 Radiant slits of sunlight cascade through the haphazardly closed curtains onto the mahogany frame and burgundy satin of Stefan's bed. The distant tinkering of breakfast-making can be heard from the kitchen. Anna's eyes pop open at the familiar sounds of a well-staffed European estate. Panic's grip fades reasonably quickly, however, as she realizes she's confined, not by Faison's machinations, but by a strong pair of newly familiar arms. His left arm under her head (surely must be numb by now!) and his right, pulling her close, his fingertips at her clavicle, preceded by his forearm threaded between her breasts and his elbow on her tummy. She recognizes the rhythmic breathing of his slumber and sighs at the odd sensation of safety. Picking up his fingers from his left arm, and caressing them, she ponders the collection of contradiction which defines Stefan Cassadine. How old and weathered he is, yet how also like a little child, trying to puff up and be a man. What sort of parents must have repeatedly brushed him aside with enough carelessness to foster such a florid obsession with being taken seriously? She smiles, though, at the recollection of those fleeting yet precious moments when he is able to laugh at himself. She curls up a bit more, pressing her back harder against his rippling abdomen. If he craves to be revered, there is one way (among others) that Anna is certain to comply. No, reverence will be no trouble at all, she thinks to herself, remembering the hardness of his body and the unimaginable tenderness of his touch with which he so well acquainted her last night. As she lies in his bed, gently kissing each of his fingertips, the sunlight gets a bit brighter, the noise downstairs a bit more clamorous, and he stirs. His breathing changes slightly, and Anna recognizes his ascendance from deep sleep to that semi-consciousness which is so vulnerable to the power of suggestion. She twists around in his arms to face him, and shifts her body to lie on top of his. Slowly and sweetly, she plants kisses all over his chest, until, when he at last opens his eyes, he is awake in more ways than one. Without a word between them spoken, they again make love. This time, Anna takes the lead, doting on his body with caresses and kisses. She at last collapses on his chest, her hair carelessly strewn across his shoulder and arm, and he closes his eyes, unable to remember such perfection. They lie together for another hour, in silence. Stefan ponders the moment, deciding that every relevant aspect of a relationship can be felt much more powerfully with silence rather than words. The destiny of the couple can be seen more clearly. Lasha, and the restless silence between them, the fear of what was unsaid hovering in the air. Barbara, and the boredom implicit in the utter dearth of anything to say to one another. Katherine, and the unsatisfied passion between them which never went away despite their lovemaking. He should have known then, by the volumes their silence spoke, that she was a substitute for what he needed, that they were just comfort along the way, biding their time... But now, as he runs his hands through Anna's dark hair, holding her while she drifts in and out of sleep, he is content in their silence. Nothing is being unsaid. Nothing is being said too much. They drink in the smell of one another, the softness of skin against skin. The spell is broken finally by the grumbling in Stefan's stomach. Anna chuckles and speaks the first words between them since asking him to take her into his bed the previous night. Anna: (her cheek still pressed against his chest) And I thought I could satiate your every need. Stefan: (smiling wryly) Almost. She props her elbows up and looks him in the eye. Anna: Pity. Stefan: Every need that matters, my pet. She leans down and kisses him, her hair falling on either side of his face, and then she rolls off of him, throws aside the covers and gets out of bed. She slinks across the room to a mahogany armoire, opens it and finds his black silk bathrobe on a hook. While she dons the robe, he pulls a suit for the day out of the walk-in closet. Anna: Aren't we going to eat? Stefan: Yes, that's why I'm getting dressed. Anna: Have you ever taken breakfast in anything less than a suit? Stefan: (matter-of-factly) Not since I was much younger. Anna: Come on, we're going to eat *now*. It will be scandalous. Stefan: Well, you're wearing my robe. Anna: Those are some nice sheets on the bed. Tie one on. Stefan: That might be a little decadent. Anna: (digging out another robe from the back of the armoire, she tosses it to him) Alright, if you insist on modesty. As they pad down the hall in bare feet, they pass a guest bedroom whose bed looks as if someone has slept in it. Their suspicions are confirmed when they hear Robin's voice chattering with Alexis on their way down the stairs. Their hands unclasp as they walk in the dining room, unconsciously maintaining their futile attempt at discretion. However, confusingly, both Robin and Alexis are dressed and have coats on the rack in the corner, as if they were newly arrived. Alexis rises to greet them, and walks over to kiss Stefan, who sits down at the table hungrily. Alexis: Happy New Year, sleepy heads. I'm shocked at your display of leisure. (she looks at Anna approvingly, happy for the effect she's having on her brother). Anna: Suits are too stuffy for holidays, don't you think? (Alexis raises her eyebrows with an unspoken "whatever") Good morning darling (she kisses Robin on the cheek). We're so sorry we didn't quite make it to the party last night. How was it? Robin: It was great, Mom. But when Nikolas took me home and you weren't there after not showing at the Outback, I put together some clothes for you. (smirking, she pulls a duffel bag out from under the table). Anna: (embarrassed at the gesture, but confused) You mean you didn't stay here? Alexis: (jumping in quickly) Robin, would you do me a favor and go yell at Nikolas to wake up? Robin: Sure thing. Stefan is about to object that the servants can do that, but Alexis' nails dig into his shoulder from behind. When Robin is gone, she relaxes and sits down. Stefan: What was that about? Alexis: I want both Robin and Nikolas to be upstairs and see the guest room. Stefan: Why? And who slept in it if not Robin? I assume you were either at Ned's or in your own quarters. Alexis: Because I asked Mrs. Landsbury last night, as we were leaving, to make it appear like someone (she looks pointedly at Anna) slept in it. Stefan: (his eyes registering her meaning) Ah. Very thoughtful, thank you, Alexis. Anna: (chuckling to herself) Well, I'm afraid the gesture was lost on Robin. She knows perfectly well what happened, and her showing up here with a change of clothes is her way of letting me know that. Which means we can consider the beans spilt if they notice the guest room together and discuss it. Alexis: Damn. Anna laughs out loud, while Stefan places his hand over Alexis' with an expression that says "thanks for the effort". When Nikolas comes downstairs with Robin a little while later, he greets Alexis with a kiss, and Stefan with a hand on the shoulder. Nik: Good morning. Stefan: Happy New Year, Nikolas. How was the Outback? Nik: You know, I have to say I was pretty impressed with the Idle Rich. Robin: Yeah, they're awesome. Alexis smirks at Stefan, who rolls his eyes. Nik: (not noticing that she wears Stefan's robe, rather than the one hung in the guest room) So, Mrs. Scorpio, did you find the guest quarters pleasant enough? Robin stifles a giggle and Alexis seems relieved that her deception was not ruined. Anna: Well, the room is very lovely. Stefan: (quickly) Nikolas, what are your plans for the day? Nik: Robin and I are going skiing. We need to get going, too. All the gear should be in the car at the pier. Anna: Is it safe for you to be cold and straining yourself all day, Luv? Robin: (rolling her eyes, not wanting to be reminded in front of Nikolas of her condition) Mom, I've been taking care of myself for quite some time now. Anna: Alright, sorry I asked. Robin: (getting up and kissing her mother on the cheek) No, I'm sorry. It's nice having a mother around to... well, mother me. We're off. The kids leave together and Stefan covers Anna's hand on the table, absently caressing the top of her wrist. He stares at her, still amazed at her beauty. Alexis grows uncomfortable at her third-wheel status. Stefan: Don't worry about Robin, it's nice to know that I'm not the only par... (he throws a glance at Alexis, but makes up his mind) parent who is over-protective. The reference is not lost on Alexis, whose eyes widen momentarily, before she looks away and clears her throat awkwardly. Alexis: I'm leaving too. I'll see you later. Stefan: Will you bring Ned here for dinner? Alexis: No, God help us, we're having a holiday meal with his family. Fortunately, he's picking up his baby this morning, so maybe she'll distract everyone from their usual blood-sucking. Stefan: (not really listening, still staring at Anna, who is demurely sipping juice, aware of his attention) Alright then. Have a lovely time. Alexis: (her forehead wrinkled at his obvious distraction) Adieu. Don't miss me. She is barely out the door before Stefan stands and walks behind Anna's chair. He lifts her hair off her neck, leans over, and kisses her from behind. Anna: (Caught up in that desperate craving to get away from other people that characterizes new love) Alone again at last. Whatever shall we do with the day? Stefan: Some ideas come to mind.   Chapter 40 3 weeks later How the days fly when they're filled with happiness. Anna has lost count of the myriad ways that Stefan creatively makes love to her. Her trips to the cemetery are fewer and farther in between. And oh, how he begs her to stay with him, to bring over clothes to Wyndemere... he buys her toiletries to stay in his bathroom, which she refuses... He is learning to appreciate her independence, her vicious hold on her own identity. Of course, the temptation to propose to her has teased him more than once. But he knows what her answer will be. And the quality that would make her refuse him is the same quality that makes her the only woman who has ever healed him rather than hurt him. She has these magical powers of peace-bringing that can only be wielded by those who are secure. Stefan laughs to himself at the breakfast table, after kissing her goodbye and sending her off to her investigative work (he knows better than to comment on that). How on earth could he have ever settled for his past obsessions and trysts? Laura, with her hand-wringing anxiety and slavery to her maniacal husband, both in captivity on the island and almost twenty years later. Barbara, and her desperate yearning for respectability and a lift-no-finger lifestyle in that ever-constant quest to wipe away her unsavory past. And of course, who can forget Katherine, trying out romantic integrity for once in her life, instantly willing to give up everything she is for a man who shot her... In the radiant light of Anna's sense of self, he can't fathom what he ever saw in any of them. She can give to him out of her own emotional abundance rather than desperation or manipulation. She is not still ravaged by the inadequacies of her childhood, or near-childhood, like the previous women in his life, and even himself. He sips tea pensively, and reminds himself not to canonize her. This is one relationship he started and continues with his eyes open. She has a colorful past. Adventurous, devious, lurid, glamorous, both illegal and upstanding. But she has a way of laughing at the various forks in her road that makes the questionable seem flamboyant and the noble seem lucky. "That's just life", she says. When he told her of his terror at the several times Nikolas' life was in danger. "Kids nearly die at least once a year. We're all just blasted lucky when they don't. The panic starts with the diapers and the baby shower. That's just life." He is still smiling faintly, lost in his thoughts, when a kiss on his cheek startles him out of his reverie. The faint scent of Alexis' perfume lingers near him as she sits and helps herself to the fare. Alexis: I brought over those contracts. I was hoping we could review them before we discuss other business this morning. Stefan: Alexis, how do you know you love Ned? Alexis: (almost dropping a scone en route to her mouth) I beg your pardon? Stefan: How do you know you're right for each other? (turning to face her) Or do you? Alexis: (placing the scone back on her plate, she wipes her mouth with a napkin and leans back in her chair, pleasantly surprised at the opportunity to talk to her brother about what matters most to her instead of their usual financial drivel). I know because with every other person I've ever been close to (not that there have been masses swarming at my door), I've had to hide what it was that really made me tick. I didn't think they'd approve. That they'd be out the door if they knew the real me. But Ned knows. He gets it. And he tries, though I certainly make it hard for him, not to judge it. And he has this annoying habit of reading me like the 3-inch headlines. He knows when I'm restless, when I'm hiding something, when I'm distracted, what I'm thinking. He can follow my eyes and know exactly how I feel. It's uncanny. And it forces honesty. I'm unable to manipulate him. Stefan: That, I believe, is the exact quality I find so perfect in Anna. Alexis: (scared to breathe, so startled that he is opening up to her, and not wanting this moment to end) That she can't manipulate you? Stefan: That I can't manipulate her. Alexis: Ah. That is indeed a rare quality in women you court. (eyes twinkling) Considering the formidable challenge you represent to a woman's willpower. Stefan: What on earth are you talking about? Alexis: You know as well as I do that you are a master seducer. Stefan: Oh please, Alexis, what melodrama. Alexis: I'm not talking about sex, Stefan, though I'm sure it applies there as well, not that I'd know. (she laughs) Stefan: Don't be vulgar. Alexis: I'm talking about your incredible ability to always get your way. Stefan: (conspiratorially, with an almost boyish smile) Anna has a way of letting me have my way without letting it - how do you say it - go to my head. She makes me work for what I want, even if she knows perfectly well she's going to give it to me anyway. Alexis stares at him, his giddiness, the smirk on his lips, and recognizes someone she hasn't seen in a long, long time. She is 10 and he is 15, and they've stopped in a clearing in the woods to water the horses. Young Stefan: So, what do you think? Young Alexis: She's great. But really goofy. Did you see the way she leapt over that log, like 5 feet higher than she had to? She's a clown. Young Stefan: (pulling the reins to look the yearling in the eye) She thinks she's in charge... don't you, you big queen bee? Young Alexis: So what are you going to name her? Young Stefan: (looking thoughtfully at the horse) It's already been a year without giving her a title. I suppose it's time. Hmm... you name her. Young Alexis: Me? Young Stefan: You choose a name, Alexis. Young Alexis: But... it's not my place. Young Stefan: Don't you ever say that again. (he lifts her chin authoritatively) You hear me? Don't question yourself. Young Alexis: (looking at him with wide eyes) Sorry. Young Stefan: (letting her go and turning back toward the horse) So, a name, madam? Young Alexis: (giggling) You're gonna hate it. Young Stefan: (putting on too-grown-up impatience and a false sternness) Out with it, little girl! Young Alexis: Well, she's funny, so she needs a funny name. Fettuccini. Young Stefan: (incredulous) Fettuccini? Young Alexis: (crestfallen) You said I could choose! Young Stefan: (with laughter in his eyes) Fettuccini it is then. (he looks at the horse and shrugs at her apologetically) Now, don't look at me like that. The lady says Fettuccini, and that's final. He looks at Alexis, and cups her cheek for a moment and she erupts in giggles, unbelieving that she got her way. The rest of the afternoon she says from behind Stefan and his mount "Come on Fettuccini, you're slowin' us down!" Alexis looks at her brother across the table and smiles. Alexis: You are most endearing when you are indulgent, Stefan. No wonder she adores you. Stefan: (breathing in slowly, contentedly, he rises) We'd better get to those contracts. Shall we relocate to the library? Alexis accepts that the moment is gone, and stands to gathers her briefcase. As she pushes in her chair, she feels an unexpected tug. He takes the briefcase out of her hand and sets it aside before taking her face in his hands and kissing her on each cheek. He embraces a startled Alexis and whispers in her ear: "Thank you." Anna goes to get her morning café grande at the Starbucks across the street from the cemetery, and decides to stop in and give him the speech she's been putting off for some time. She sets down her handbag on the grass and kneels about a foot in front of the headstone. Anna: Hello darling. I'm sorry I haven't been to see you in so long. (she hesitates a bit) There's something we need to talk about. (Taking a deep breath) All that time, with Cezar, I thought of nothing but you. He told me you were dead, but I still dreamt that you were alive. Finding you, wondering if you were still alive, if you'd been in pain after the explosion, remembering all the ten million things I loved about you. All the ways we hurt each other, all the ways we healed each other. The only thing Cezar couldn't take away from me was my heart. And you lived there. And you always will. (she struggles to stay in control as she speaks, but her eyes fill with tears) I miss you Robert. But... I'm starting to miss you less and less. And... I'm so sorry. I know I promised you I'd never let go of that pain. That the emptiness in my gut would torture me forever. But, it's... it's starting to get duller, I think. She stares at his name for a moment silently, as the freezing wind blows her hair out of its clip, and long strands get caught in her tears and whip around her face. She closes her eyes, not wanting to say what she needs to say. Anna: I've met someone. He's... well, he's not someone you would probably like. (she smiles sardonically) He's more a cognac drinker. But, I think I love him. I mean, I know I love him, but I think I *love* him, love him. Does that make sense? He makes me feel safe. Remember how I used to always complain about falling for dangerous men? He's not safe like that. Well he is, sort of. He's not physically dangerous, you know. Not like Duke. Not like the WSB. But, he's not exactly normality embodied. (she wipes away her tears and rolls her eyes) I'm boring you, aren't I? (sighing) I didn't come here to sing Stefan's praises. I just came to... get permission, I guess. To love him. To let go of you, just a little bit. Not all the way... Never that... (irreverently) Not that I ever asked permission for anything before! This is a first, I hope you're enjoying it! (exasperated, and somewhat despairing) Oh I don't know. Do you hate me? Can you forgive me? "Yes" She hears the voice behind her, but thinks it's in her head. She closes her eyes. Anna: (still staring at the gravestone) I was hoping you'd understand. She feels a hand on her shoulder and almost jumps out of her skin. She turns around annoyedly, ready to snap at whomever was interrupting her. Robert Scorpio looks down at her, with a sad, crooked half-smile. She closes her eyes again, remembering Robin's accounts of her very real dreams of her parents when she found out she had HIV. When she opens them, he is still there. The only thing convincing her he's not an illusion is that he's not as she remembers. His is older, thinner, gaunt and pale. She sinks back onto her heels, speechless and dizzy. Robert: Hello Anna. Chapter 41 In the cemetery. Anna struggles to remain upright, as her head swims and she feels dizzy. He grabs her hand and pulls her to her feet. She stares at him for a few moments, sizing him up, convincing herself again that he is not an illusion. Once it's decided, she throws her arms around him and the strength leaves her legs. He hugs her / holds her and whispers quietly in her ear (as quietly as the howling wind around them allows). Robert: Shh... Anna, I'm not going anywhere... But she won't let go of her deathlike vise on him. Eventually he pulls her arms down and holds her face in his hands. Robert: (wiping at her tears with his thumbs) You are more beautiful than ever. How did you survive it? But she is unable to speak coherently. She can only stare and try to breathe in something besides gasps. Robert: Let's go somewhere warmer and I'll tell you everything. (he takes her hand and starts to lead her away) Anna: (planting her feet and finding her voice at last) No. Tell me now. Right here. He takes a long look at her and realizes that she may not make it very far until she calms down. He helps her to settle down onto the hard, frozen ground, where they huddle in each other's arms. And so the lurid tale unfolds, the freezing air carrying Robert's account of Faison's scheming to Anna's ears. How he was grabbed out of the water after the explosion, while he was searching in the aquatic hell for Anna, screaming her name... And how he never saw Faison again, but was held in a dank cell for the next 6 years. His wardens were Faison's goons, feeding him lies of Anna's betrayal and marriage to Cezar along with his slop and water. He knew they were lies, but they sucked the life out of his bones and infused his spirit with an endless weariness that has yet to leave him. Robert recounts how his days were spent, staring at the walls, talking to the rats and trying not to freeze. How, recently, the people holding him got tired of waiting for their paychecks that had inexplicably stopped coming and unlocked his door. And there he stood, outside of a nondescript building which turned out to be in the middle of Kazakhstan. How it took him weeks to find any civilization at all, and a phone that would reach further than the next street all the way to WSB headquarters. How he fell to his knees crying at the sight of Frisco Jones getting off a government plane at a lonely airstrip in Balqash. The details start to run together in Anna's ears... the flight to Geneva, his first taste of red wine, the debriefing by the WSB, hearing that his daughter had HIV, that Anna was alive and her own murderous escape was the reason Robert had been released, his arrival in Port Charles yesterday and the long, draining but perfect reunion with Robin that lasted all night. She told him that her mother always goes to the Starbucks in the morning, and then... his first sighting of her. His inability to say hello. So he follows her. Her speech at his grave... And there his voice breaks... Anna closes her eyes... Anna: And so you arrive to find me confessing my love for another man. (She starts crying anew and he pulls her head close to his chest...) Robert, can you ever forgive me? He strokes her hair and shushes her... but doesn't know what to say. He has waited 6 unspeakable years and is unwilling to hand her over... The next few days pass and the word spreads. The Scorpios stay locked up at Mac's house, crying, holding each other, laughing, catching-up, story-swapping, and eating well. Eventually a few outsiders are allowed into the reunion, and the Jones clan, the Spencers and even the Donnelly's from out of town are invited in to share a meal. But it is a private affair, and the news of the family is mostly hearsay passed efficiently through the Port Charles rumor mill. Nikolas is introduced to Robert, whose forehead wrinkles at the sound of his last name. However, with enough politeness and "Sir"-calling, he passes inspection and leaves Robin to her joy, returning home to bear the un-glad tidings. Stefan's vision fades to black as his stomach clamps up and all the sincere words of comfort Nikolas offers grow distant, replaced by the whoosh of his long-awaited happiness slipping away from him in a blaze of glory. He feels a glass of water being placed in his hand, but his fingers can't seem to grip it... Distraught, Nikolas rises and shuts the door to the parlor closed behind him as he almost runs into Alexis, barreling through the front door like a canon. Alexis: I heard, I just came from the Quartermaines, where they're all talking about it. (She looks past him at the closed door before focusing on Nikolas' ashen face) He knows. Nik: Just now. Alexis: I'll go to him. (she starts to brush by Nikolas) Nik: (in a surprising display of nurturing) NO. Leave him alone. He's incoherent anyway. Alexis turns to her nephew and the reality of how Stefan must feel sinks in. Her eyes fill with tears, and roll down her cheeks. Alexis: This isn't fair... it's not fair... Nik: Come on (he pulls her away), I don't want him to hear you. They walk away from the doors, but take up vigil in two high-backed chairs in the foyer. They sit silently, grimly watching the door behind which Stefan mourns, each lost in their own thoughts, reminiscent of a hospital waiting room. Stefan stares into the fire, watching it flicker, and noting the ironic symmetry of the situation. Of course, when he's finally over Laura, who would never choose him over her husband... when he finally has found love... the kind of mind-numbing, all-consuming, spontaneous-giggling joyful love that he found with Anna... of course, her husband would return and reclaim her heart that had always been his anyway. What ridiculous delusions had Stefan concocted, convincing himself that Anna might hold out the remotest ounce of sentiment for him that was not dependent on Robert Scorpio's absence? Anna... just the sound of her name in his mind's ear makes him wince, though his arms don't move, the vision of them clouds his brain, rolling over in bed, and reaching for her, but finding nothing, grasping, stretching... And there she is, standing at the foot of the bed, her arms entwined in her husbands', the two of them looking down on him and sneering... You were only a cheap substitute, she says... You were fun for a while, but this is my true love... you understand don't you? Surely you didn't expect a woman to choose you over her real love... The justice of it all. He stole his brother's wife. He stole his brother's son. It had all ended for him then. His life of duty and service. His steering of the family, all for Nikolas, his concealment of his paternity, all for Nikolas... Destiny, that fickle mistress, had given him one love, a boy that he would never call his own, that never *should* have been his own, and that was the last favor he would trick her out of. Everything else he might ever yearn for in his life, would belong forever to another, without exception, without mercy...